Melatonin
I.
I see nothing through the blackness
and then voices filter through crimson mists
blue lights turn on one by one
I am in a cabin and my Grandfather is chasing a bear out the door
He does this repeatedly, no one can see him except for me
The others keep letting the beast back in and suddenly
It’s snowing and I am outside
I can see the green of the shutters,
the treeline I swear I was familiar with at one time
There is groaning and gurgling
There are blood blisters forming on my icy wrists
The bear is pouncing on me, mauling me
Snow is silent
Like my screaming
II.
Later I am piecing together
cut scenes
Strangers ask me the most difficult questions
I see myself on every surface
I panic because I don’t think
I’m supposed to be
seeing myself,
here, like this
The brick wall is lined with other sleepwalkers
We are at a train station
I have no idea where we’re going
They are not mirrors
They’ve only stared into them for too long
like I did
when I had to prove to myself that I was real
III.
psychedelia is not too fun when you are unprepared to wake back up
IV.
This is my old street
I can tell by how the pavement feels beneath me
Carnations cloud and clutter my vision
I am still picking petals from my eyes
I think it has been four days since I slept and I am not afraid
I have been to worse places
The bear waits for me on the corner,
I keep walking
it’s growing
further and further away
V.
Vivid mimicry
a flashback
a bad dream
a demented memory
VI.
My Grandfather has been dead for years
He could not protect me
The bear is in a world I won’t enter by my own free will anymore
it still has parts of me
I see fog
I smell sunlight
I think I have awakened now
I think I might be awake now
I think I can get some sleep now
April 4, 2018
Thistle Thoughts 