#NaPoWriMo 2021 Day 15 : “Shared”

Shared

we share the same
gnawed fingertips,
the proclivity
for pacing, & the same
suppressed anger
that invisibly
damages hearts

you’re good
at shutting down,
tuning out terror,
while I feel it
like an assault
still, even after
removal, my own personal
uprooting from
my upbringing

you taught me
there truly is
no escaping it
sometimes, that
some things
will follow you
like shadows,
& some things
fade away like
forgotten dreams

they’ll leave
a stain you can’t
pinpoint, a lingering
you can’t place, but
they’re gone, & you’ll
wonder if some things
are worth calling back

we share disjointed memories,
we fill gaps with guesses
or unintentional lies —
you’re always right,
I’ll cave, yes, that’s
the only way —
we share blood & bond

& reasons for why
we do what we do
& how we do it, keeping
ourselves distant,
protected, hidden
(don’t let them see you
crumble)
we share our stories,
we star in each other’s
mind movies, we quote
our favorite lines
back & forth, we rewrite
scripts & awful history
to coat truths
in easier to swallow
tablets, we share habits

we share a knowing
about why it’s best
we’re far apart, pretend
to be alright with it,
but at night
we keep each other’s
names on lips
that mumble prayers
while asleep

we keep this act up
because it’s safer,
we share the same reasons
for choosing
the best way to survive

for now we’ll share
the burden of being alive
in a world that’s chewed
enough of us —
we’ve started on our arms
now that our shared hands
don’t exist anymore —
one of us will die first,
one of us will know
ahead of time