30. Bad Deal
What you really wanted
was a starving submissive,
a paper doll with pristine
perforations. A little girl,
unblemished, untouched,
that you could dirty up
with your fingerprints.
Well, dear, I buried her.
I ate bread & butter
until I burst out of
my dress seams. My flaccid
floral garden, wide as a sail,
was a deterrent from my sacred fire.
It’s been doused before you,
nice try. You will be
remembered for your efforts.
The scent of cigarette smoke
& Tide laundry detergent,
the bleach washing down
the diet pills, all toasted
to your name. Blue-lipped
ashen woman, your once
favored muse, torn,
indifferent, ruined.
You had big shoes to fill
& you used them to kick
me into my open grave. Dirt
in my mouth that forms
your name. Worms in my
eye sockets. I plucked
them out to avoid
having to look at myself.
I hid in my cavern
to spare others. Your wish
was granted, & you still spit
on the embers, still
breathed your hatred down
the back of my neck.
To unsee text,
to be unsexed,
to block out the bad men
in one fell hex.
The fountain is filled
with the bloody coins
I fished out every time
life took a toll on me.
I paid in full
& am indebted to you,
my hit man, but you
missed your mark
in the dark
so I demand a refund.
We’re windblown.
We’re past news.
We’re done.
Image by Glauco Gianoglio from Pixabay
Note: This concludes National/Global Poetry Writing Month for 2023! I struggled on some days & am only truly happy with how a handful of these turned out, but it was fun nonetheless. I started to see how my relationship to poetry has changed a lot since I first started cracking out so many at one time all of those years ago. I won’t be around WordPress too much until the Fall as I’ll be very busy with upcoming family visits & my impending cross-country move, but I may pop in with an update here & there. It’s been a pleasure to read all of the participants’ submissions to NaPoWriMo this year & to connect with those who left comments on my poems. Happy reading & writing, friends! I’ll see you when the leaves turn.
Thistle Thoughts 
Jennifer you are a gem. I delight in your words. Always.
Please take care of yourself. See you when you have time. Please no pressure my sweet. Be well.
Thanks for the support you gave me this month. Forever grateful.
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Thank you, Selma! See you soon! 💚🧡
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Excellent poem Jennifer! So gruesome and intense! Loved reading it, and all the other poems you posted this poetry writing month. My best wishes for all your future endeavours! See you around!
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Thank you, Dominic!
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My pleasure Jennifer!
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” I struggled on some days & am only truly happy with how a handful of these turned out, but it was fun nonetheless.”
I would’ve never known this at all; not reading the work you’ve produced the last 30 days.
Be well, Jennifer. And have fun. See you around!
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Thank you, Tre. Often times I’ll look back on writing & see what can be changed, or I might feel it’s actually better than I thought. See you soon!
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I too have loved reading your work this month, and I’ll be forever grateful that you introduced me to NaPoWriMo six years ago! 🥰
So excited for all your upcoming adventures 😁 🤗
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Thank you, Monty! Oh wow I didn’t remember I introduced you to NaPo so that’s very cool! ❤️❤️
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“To unsee text,
to be unsexed,
to block out the bad men
in one fell hex.”
– sublime my friend. Loved this 🖤
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Thank you!
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Always welcome my friend 🖤
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Jennifer! This is exciting, bold, unapologetic, and creatively crafted. Yes! You ended on a fierce note. Bravo! Note to other readers… view it from the web. Excellent structure on the page!
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Thank you! I’ve stressed before that my work is best viewed on the web version. Mobile just doesn’t allow for my visual forms. I thank you very much for following along this month.
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Don’t stress! 😊 I “visit” sites I read. Yours makes it all worthwhile! The question is how do you communicate that to readers in a way that fits your blog aesthetics? 🤔 You’re very welcome. I enjoy your work.
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I think I should just put it on every post that requires it from now on honestly haha Seems to be the easiest way.
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Like a note before the poem or something. It’s worked before.
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I recommend it. You put a lot of effort into the designing of your poetry. It elevates the reading experience of your gorgeous lines!
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Intense piece, Jennifer! This might be my favorite from you this month. Hard hitting and vivid language. Wow!! So good.
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Thanks, Tara. I kinda ended intensely, but that’s all good 👍
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Yeah! What a sledgehammer to finish with! 🤩 Congratulations Jennifer, it has been a complete delight reading your work again. We’ll be in touch, but in the meantime enjoy your well-deserved rest! 💜
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Thank you 💚💚
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What a strong ending to the challenge! I loved reading your poems this month, and I think that you’ll have more than a few that you want to hang on to ❤️ I wish you well for the coming summer. I hope the move goes smoothly, and I’ll be looking out for more great poems in the autumn 😊
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Thank you, Conny
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Wow. This is really powerful writing. Such clear and evocative imagery. It made me uncomfortable and angry as it stirred up some old memories of pain and abuse. This is what poetry should do.
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It was a rough one. Thank you so much for reading & for your kind comments. ❤️
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I love that you get salty when overly fatigued and flaring! I wish I could do that! That would be so funny. I go quiet, because I have trouble thinking of words, and forming anything but the most basic sentences when I’m flaring. But that’s fine, because I’m usually alone. It does mean my comments online will be very short and kind of unoriginal, which probably makes it seem like I don’t care.
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I would never think any comment means you don’t care. It really depends on if my brain is foggy or not, but I can throw fire back on the fiery pain at times. I’m not sure it helps anything, but hey, any kind of release is probably a good one.
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I think that maybe the adrenaline of getting angry helps people to cope with pain. I do get angry when I’m flaring, but it’s all inside in my head.
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That may be true. I think I prefer the calm acceptance place I eventually arrive at though. I think that comes with letting the anger about it go. If I hold onto it, I think it makes things worse.
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