NaPoWriMo 2024 — Day 19

Tortured

daffodils never disappoint,
unlike the artist who makes
false promises

i remember him walking
out the door before
he told me truths
i begged for

wait, wait, is she
going to disrupt
the waves again,
crying into the ocean
all those names
she swore to forget?

no, no, you know
i save the secrets
for the pages
i bury below

I like my roses
wilted as long as
the kisses are fresh
& he painted them
all over the walls
on my saddest day
& swore he’d stay

lies are best
when they’re dressed
up & waiting in the rain
for the next bus

these are the memories
I thought I burned away
but the ashes show
their faces when I least
expect them &
they smirk at me

he’s gone, forget him,
you’ve swept up
those shards;
they said you’re better,
but the nights are
still so hard

I’ll call it yearning,
but it’s really a pathetic
attempt to dust off
an old weapon

I’ll put it back upon the shelf
after I use it to torture myself

how long until midnight
so I can end the agony
of waiting for this to pass?
will I love it, hate it,
will it shatter me like glass?

I’m putting my words away now,
I’ve embarrassed myself enough

thank you, silent former lover,
the scars you left me
made me tough

Photo by Jas Min on Unsplash

Note: If it reads like a crummy pop song, it’s supposed to. I’m having fun waiting for Tay-Tay’s new album. (I typically write my NaPo poems a day ahead.) I don’t know what to expect really. When the title of it was released I got kinda mad. Maybe because if it’s disappointing I’ll regret the tortured poet label forever. Or maybe I’m just not so tortured anymore. There was a time in my life I thought it would be cool to ghostwrite for pop or rock stars. Anyone know how one gets into that kind of thing? Do share!