The Jam Files #9: Hijacked
As if the body didn’t have enough foreign invaders to fight off. As if the battle didn’t already feel like one to throw the towel in on.
My husband & I have Covid-19 & contrary to a lot of rhetoric, it is not “just a cold” nor is a “mild” case a walk in the park. Something invisible sits on my chest. My husband wheezes through asthmatic lungs (this is his second go with this nasty virus), & we’re thankful for every moment we’re not feverish.
I get weird during fevers. I dreamt of shadow people & awoke to a room full of them. Then flashing fireworks danced behind my eyelids & I panicked. My body can’t stay in the same position for too long without cramping up & hurting, so not being able to physically turn myself over was frightening. “Not now. Not yet. This isn’t supposed to happen this way.” Whispered prayers & reassurances. Hugs & forehead kisses.
We feel we’re getting better. At least there’s the hope of it before another wave of whatever top symptom decides to fall like rain. Occasional cough is better than a racking one. Stuffy head is better than a congested chest.
I have supersonic smell. It’s pretty wild. After hearing so much about the opposite happening I’m amazed I can smell the Chex mix my husband munches on from the next room. This is both cool & nauseating depending on the scent. How quickly things can become odors.
I am glad that this time there is no need for us to keep separate. I am happy we can monitor each other more closely. I am not happy that we are ill. Iller. God’s giving me energy from some previously untapped source because somehow I am functioning energy-wise better than I have in months. I am grateful. I believe we will recover.
I’m slowly reading Anne Rice’s “Tale of the Body Thief” & I too feel hijacked. I imagine a big “what if” scenario if possibly there is an alternate universe where a healthy me is living her best life. A healthy me that doesn’t have any extra concern about becoming infected with something else. Where the world is less deadly for her. Maybe she’s a vampire. Vampires don’t get sick so there’s the main reason why I’m obsessed with them.
I’m due for my booster shot at the end of the month, but did I ever feel like the masks or the vaccines were life-savers? No. Hope givers I suppose, & I’ll take them.
The mantra is “We will be well.” We mutter it during our naps. We hold each other. Apologize unnecessarily. Watch way too much TV. Avoid the internet as much as possible. Believe.