The Jam Files #12 — “Bound for the Homeland”

The apartment has an echo. Husband & I are making fantastic progress with packing up our stuff for our move at the end of this month. We’re so far ahead of schedule, overexcited, ready to move on.

It’s hot outside. Vegas summer prickling my skin for one final time. I said goodbye to the Strip recently. My sister & nephew visited for a few days & we had a wonderful time. It’s fun to show people around this town when they’ve never been here. I like to see reactions because most people can’t even handle the amount of excess here, let alone the heat. Time doesn’t exist anymore. You’re transplanted into some strange neon hell, but you’re having fun, or at least thinking this is what fun is. Some kind of standard of fun…some kind of escape that works for some people.

I’m ready for the lessons of the desert to be done with. I’ve learned a lot. Mostly about my own resiliency. I broke through a lot of fears. I’m ready to not allow certain factors (pain being the biggest one) to hold me back from at least attempting some things I’ve always wanted to do. I learned what I can work through. On the pain front, things are changing again. To make a super long story super short, when you have Polycystic Kidney Disease you can develop cysts on your liver as well (Polycystic Liver Disease). I’ve always had some but not enough to make a blip on any scan. Now I’ve got some big ones causing new pains & basically trying to ruin my life. It feels like a baseball is lodged into my rib cage. I’m tired of telling my body “look, knock it off, I have things to do”. The good thing about this mess is that unlike the kidney cysts, liver cysts of this type will not affect the function of my liver. Good. The really bad thing though, is that I can’t do anything about it other than what I’m already doing. Eat right, move as much as I can, wait til the worst of it passes, that ‘ole “manage the pain” nonsense. Every time I think I know the worst pain, a bigger pain beast laughs in my face. Thankfully, I’m pretty patient.

I keep thinking when I arrive back in Michigan that summer will pretty much be on its way out & then I’ll get to see a legit autumn season & that it’s been way too long since I’ve lived in that. I’ll feel better because it will be colder. I’ll feel alive just because I’ll be on the only soil I’ve ever found that I truly believe wants me on it. No more jamming myself into places like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit, trying to make it work. No more waking up miserable because I’m not where I truly feel I want to be. I’ll feel like it’s safe to breathe again.

It won’t be long now. All the final ducks are lining up & so far, so good, no bumps have occurred on this road home. (Just my own illnesses trying to slow me down & failing miserably.)

I forgot to post about this, but I have a poem in the Fevers of the Mind Anthology “The Empath Dies in the End”. You can find that HERE if you’re interested in purchasing a copy.

I have only been toying with poetry lines & journaling & haven’t been putting much energy into new writing projects lately which is why I’ve been absent from the blog. After the move I will be devoting myself to a cool research article involving fae, so stay tuned for that. You may even see some more “paranormal” & “otherworldly” type articles penned by me soon. I think it’s past time I started writing about that aspect of my life, which really does take up a lot of it. It’s not like it’s a secret. Most who know me in real life know I’m “weird” & “creepy” & I’m okay with it. 🙂

Until next time, (& I’m sure I’ll be in a new location then), I hope you are all doing well & either enjoying or riding out the rest of the summer! Take care, lovelies.

Image by Joe from Pixabay