Rest, Reading, Records

I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again, life is busy when you actually have one.

Of course I had a life before, it just looked a lot different than it does now. It felt different too. I’m so busy now! I was feeling like I couldn’t catch a break for a second there & then it dawned on me. It’s because you’re not giving yourself any breaks.

I really feel that I was so terrified to slow down because then I’d be bedridden again. This isn’t a good thing. I was falling back into ignoring my body & was trying to pretend that it had no limits. It still does. I learned when I had a kidney cyst pop due to a slight wrong movement while I was adjusting the pillows on my bed. I learned when I had two seizures two days in a row.

I’m resting now. Staying busy, but at a slower pace. I’m reading again! I’ve missed the feel of books in my hands! I’m also taking advantage of my local library’s option to check out vinyl records. How cool! If I wanted to, I could take out 100 at a time, but that’s very extreme. I was just told that by a librarian & I had to laugh. I pictured myself with a Radio Flyer wagon stacked with vinyls behind me on my walk via trail home. I pick up ones sometimes that I’ve never heard of. I judge them by their covers. It’s fun. I discover new music that way & hey, did you guys know William Shatner did an album with Ben Folds? It’s AMAZING!

Speaking of music, I have some fun news to share. My husband, Jackson, has been doing all kinds of fun things with photography & really wants to venture out into concert photography. We were brainstorming ideas on how he could get into it & I mentioned how much I missed writing about music & how fun it was to write about the Thursday show, not to mention how fun it was just to be able to attend a show & how since we moved here I’ve seen a lot of local live music. Traverse City has a lot of talent & I’m always listening to all kinds of music. There’s a live show pretty much every night here & I encouraged him to contact these acts & venues & offer to take some photos just to build a portfolio. “How about we start a music blog?” he suggested.

Well, how about it? Remember when I said I wasn’t going to write under “The Jam Files” label anymore? Just write what I want here & blah blah blah? Well, The Jam Files has just been revolutionized & will be the name of our little project! The website should be live this weekend if all goes according to plan & the posts will start rolling as soon as I write them. I’ve also got some friends who are interested in contributing essays/articles so it’ll be a fun & collaborative effort. All “for the love of music.” I’m not interested in any kind of “review” site. I’m not trying to convince anyone of what is “good” or “not good”. I really just want how bands/musicians/ songs/etc make people feel & maybe a life story about how it relates to said music.

I’m going to put my Thursday show experience on the site & I have another post in the queue as well & another outlined in my notebook. I hope I can write at least one post a week & Jackson & I are going to try to get out & attend more local shows to write about those too. It’s going to be so much fun & I’m very excited. I will definitely share the link here on the blog & if you all are interested, there will be an option to subscribe to posts there via email inbox.

In other writing news, I’m still struggling with poetry, but occasionally I get a line I like down & I’ve got some help so I’m trying to find the poet in me again. I know she’s in there, I just don’t really know how to say what I want poetically right now. I feel like I’ve said it all fifty different ways & inspiration doesn’t strike as often for poems. I find myself more likely to want to journal or write nostalgically about music. & that’s okay. Also, there’s a lot I’m down about right now. There’s no reason to get into it. You all share a lot of the same woes, I’m sure. It’s not easy to be happy when there’s things outside of my control that I really can’t do anything about, but I have to be. I get too down sometimes & that’s not good. I’m not “blissfully unaware” of things. I also feel way too much even when I’m not consciously aware of something. So, life is hard. You all know that too. But, I’m trying, really trying, to keep smiling & not fall into deep despair.

I was going to go up to Petoskey this weekend & see some family & attend another round dance. (I went to one at the beginning of the month & it was a great time!) I really need to rest though & I didn’t want to be away from Jackson for so long. We’re going to go up there & see my cousin in April. I thought I could travel by bus by myself, but then when I had the double seizure days I got a little scared. It’s just better to have someone with me who knows what’s going on. I can be independent in some ways, but in others, I really should just stay safe. I get big ideas sometimes & then remember, “wait, there’s some things you just can’t do.” For instance (& I’m still debating it, but it probably won’t be a good idea), I really thought about getting a pair of roller skates for when the weather is warmer. I miss roller skating. It was something I really enjoyed doing. My husband, sister, & other family members worry about it though because if I happen to fall (& let’s face it, I might, even though I have very good balance despite all my issues) I could seriously damage my cysts that could lead to infection or worse. I’m already kind of risking things by riding a bike, but that’s not as difficult to manage as roller skates will be. So, I think I might have to put that dream away.

We’ve had such a mild winter here! It’s going to be 62 tomorrow & then they’re saying it might snow on Wednesday! What?! It’s ok. The little snow we had was good to experience & who knows, we could get dunked on in April. It is Michigan after all.

Are you all ready for Spring? It will be my first Spring in Traverse City so I’ll see how the allergens affect me. Since I live so close to the woods I pretty much have year round tree allergies but they’re manageable. I’m looking forward to walking the trail & riding my bike again. I haven’t been going on too many winter walks because the “too cold” causes me to have an autoimmune response in a rash & although it’s very temporary, it’s extremely painful. I went out this weekend though. I’ll probably go on a walk tomorrow too with this high of 62 forecasted. Sun also gives me the rash too, but ya know what? I love being outside & sometimes things are just worth suffering for. (Just not too much.)

I’m hearing all kinds of birdsongs each morning & seeing some cute black-capped chickadees. Lots of crows cawing out to me too. I’m going to get my new binoculars in April & then I’ll be on the lookout for new species for my little birding notebook. For now though, I’m enjoying reading John Ajvide Lindqvist’s “Let the Right One In” (I absolutely adore the movie & am finally reading the novel) & taking it easy to let my body heal up. My cyst pain is a lot better already & thankfully there was no infection or other repercussions, just a week of extreme pain & now back to the dull ache that’s been my companion for over a decade.

Happy almost March, everyone! I hope you’re all finding things in life that are good.

Top Photo Image by Tibor Janosi Mozes from Pixabay