And Then The Timeline Overlaps

Cross-post from My Substack:

i.

thirteen / sage advice to avoid thorny patches /
playing in mud fields / believing true love sprouts /
in between rough edges / palm tree sway /
conversations about hips / conversations about
catching up / they say / my body is rejecting becoming
a woman / having not yet bled

ii.

seventeen / wondering what it means /
to be made aware of / pieces of me /
shuddering / shamed / at the age of seven

iii.

twenty-one / being alone is heaven /
breathing again / in the absence of men /
women told me of wolves / I believed
them / I didn’t know / I was being beaten /
eaten / that my petals were muddied /
my knees / bloodied / I carried sin /
in my school bag / my secrets in
scrawled crayon / the truth / hidden from all /
in freshly stapled skin / I had a razor /
etching names / within

iv.

twenty-eight / little fish / can’t swim /
still gutted / splayed by familiar eyes /
small bones jutted / against /
adult sized jeans / being afraid /
that I was hurting him / the dust beneath /
him / scattered / shattered / for nearly
a decade / I couldn’t find me /
I still roam / collecting glass shards
of myself / keeping my fractured
heart on a shelf / echoes of crying /
ring from the closet / I hear them /
when I try sleeping / I pretend /
they don’t sound like me

From the Wanderer’s Log: This poem has completed its journey through the submission process and wasn’t able to land a home. I allow a poem to go through four or five submissions, sometimes more, before deciding to share it somewhere on my own. Some poems I share directly without submitting for publication. I don’t have a rhyme or reason as to which poems ‘make the cut’ and which ones don’t, I suppose I just stumble upon a publication open for submissions and think a piece might be a ‘good fit’. This poem is probably five years old now and represents a time in my life when I was reflecting on the past. I do this often. Lately I’ve been determined to be more present, but I cannot deny the past’s ability to shape my present. There is much to let go of in my past. There is much to heal from. When I find that past in my present moments I view it as an opportunity for said healing. Sometimes it’s simply the act of remembering that can unlock something within me that I feel very deeply will eventually influence my future. This may be Ojibwe teaching. We believe that every act in the present affects the seven generations both before us and behind us. Interesting to think about actions in the present affecting not only influencing the future, but also the past. Does this mean the past can change? I’m not sure since I find time confusing and many feel it is an illusion or construct anyway. What I do know is this, the past can be rewritten. The past can be rewired in a way where it might not hurt so much to reflect upon it in the present. Eventually, one can see what they learned from the past and can apply it to Now.

I will be traveling to my tribe’s Lac Courte Oreilles reservation sometime this weekend I believe. My cousin passed away suddenly and a lot of my family are heading up there to attend his funeral. We are waiting to hear when the exact day of his service will be. I will miss Besh Aanakwad so much and I still am having trouble processing that he’s no longer on the Earth plane. I know he’s with us all still. His Spirit will be able to teach us so much from his new perspective. I feel that. I dream that. I love that. I’m so thankful for the wisdom he shared with me here and look forward to all he will be able to share with me now.

Take care, fellow travelers. Hug your loved ones. Tell them how much you care for them. I’ll see you all very soon as I promised to start posting here more come Autumn.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay