Cold Snap: Poem + Sad News

Cold Snap

This is so midwest
Turning to beer to warm you
It’s supposed to be spring,
but winter clings on
It took a lot from us this year
Like a thief
My hands aren’t supposed to be this cold

I failed the fire, but I had help to revive it
Someone popped the hood of my dad’s car
We’re all looking for something to fix,
except for each other
Everyone’s letting everyone be broken right now
Everyone’s doing their best to be glue

I can write about this now, I think. Maybe. I’m going to try.

My stepmother, Pat, who I have grown very close with, passed away suddenly on April 23. I had just gotten back into town earlier that afternoon after a sporadic trip to Kalkaska for a show & hanging with friends when I got the call from my brother.

Unexpected doesn’t even cover it. “No,” I found myself saying over & over again. “No. No. NO.” I feel I’ve hit my limit as far as devastating things occurring in sucession goes. There’s only so much one person can take before they break, & I’m doing my damn best, ya’ll, but I’m not okay.

I will be. I know this. But, damn.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at my brother’s house with people I’ve fallen so in love with that once again the thought of leaving this town fills my heart with pushpins. I can’t even feel it anymore. My chest is an empty cavity but I know I’m alive because I have anchors in people that remind me. This is why I keep going. This is why I always bounce back.

I have no idea what I’m doing the majority of the time but I try my best to have a good time. I try to stay happy. I try to focus on good. But I can’t be strong all the time. Sometimes it’s okay to be weak.

A little note on the poem. It was inspired by today & how it’s almost May & it’s still so cold in Northern Michigan. It’s also the name of a beer. Its name was staring at me from the label. The chill was in the air. The vibe today was so midwest I cried more. Thus, this fireside poem was born.

I miss my stepmom. I love my family. Life is short. It truly is. So, whatever that thing is you want to do, do the damn thing. & spend time with loved ones. Don’t regret not doing that. I’ve had so many fireside sing-a-longs with my brother I’ve lost count. We just keep singing. We can’t stop.

Before I enter the grief idiot zone I’m just going to stop typing. I love you all. Be kind to yourselves.

Main Photo: Image by ALEJANDRAMACOL from Pixabay