We’ve been running on fumes the past couple of days. Husband is still struggling in recovery from three months of health hell, I’m fighting against another flare-up of neuropathy. Doctors can’t seem to find a reason for this neuropathy that I’ve had get increasingly worse over the years & I’ve decided that it doesn’t really matter the reason, it’s not going to make it hurt less. I deal. Some days it’s ok. Some days it’s bad. Some days it’s really bad.
I write from these fringes because my brain always enters some kind of spring mania stage when the weather changes from cold to warm. Vegas will soon descend into death heat territory & I’ll become so cocooned in pain I won’t know what’s going on, so the lightning bolts of creative energy that keep me constantly thinking & jotting things down have free reign to fill up pages & keep me from sleep.
Hypnagogia is a great state to be in & the poetry that stems from it could probably be called experimental or something. I don’t really know what defines certain types of poetry or anything. I don’t even care about form. I think that those who adhere to forms are disciplined in a way I just can’t be. I can handle a haiku? Most of my rhymes are accidental too. I’ll set out to NOT RHYME on purpose & then I read it & yeah, there’s some rhymes.
We’re in a Joy Division phase too. Listening to them. Watching Ian Curtis dance on stage on YouTube. Husband’s staring at an almost finished painting on his easel, I’m trying to make sense of darting thoughts in verse.
My friend bought me the Dragon software as an early birthday gift & that’s going to be fun. I’ll use it when I absolutely cannot type to save my fingers. I think it will be most helpful when something inspires me on the fly. I can just speak my notes out loud & the thing will type for me. Amazing, isn’t it? I thank her sincerely.
I’m writing for the sake of writing right now & I’m probably going to share it for the sake of sharing. I haven’t done an update in awhile so this Jam File will serve that purpose.
We’re hanging in here. Husband returns to work this week & it’ll be odd not having him around all the time again.
I’m remembering dreams again. Weird ones. People from the past keep showing up in them & I swear I’m going to run through every person I ever met eventually on that dream plane. That in-between place that my spirit visits every night. I write them down. Sometimes I use their imagery in poems so that’s good. Inspiration while I sleep. I’ll take it.
NaPoWriMo is next month & I’m excited. I’m probably not going to use prompts this year. I’m just going to go where the pen takes me. The keyboard. The microphone on my Dragon headset. My mind. My body. The wind.
It’s time to work on poems now. Hope you all are having a good week!
Thistle Thoughts 
I have enough trouble typing and seeing when my MS is flaring up that I’ve seriously considered Dragon. I might finally splurge on that… Now if you only talked in your sleep, you’d save yourself time dictating! 😉
Creative wishes for NaPoWriMo too — I was hoping to focus on my book in April but I may do that instead…
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My husband tells me what I say in my sleep & it’s usually hilarious. The other day I was going on about honey mustard. 🤷🏽♀️
Thank you! Whatever you decide I hope the creativity wave hits you as well & that your pain level is manageable. 💙
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Good luck and godspeed, Jennifer. 🙏
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Thank you, Tre 💗💗
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You’re so welcome. I hope this year’s summer won’t be too hard on you or your husband too.
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I really liked your comment “writing for the sake of writing.” I’m reading Felicia Day’s book, “Embrace Your Weird,” and she offers the suggestion of thinking on why you want to go into a particular creative pursuit. Is it for the end result — to have a best-selling book or popular song? Or is it the process of creating that artwork? Loving the process will make that creative pursuit much more worthwhile. I hope you and your husband feel better, and I wish you many hours of wonderful creating.
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Thank you. I like that. Felicia Day is cool. For me it’s always just been about the writing. I don’t ever want anything from it other than the ability to keep doing it. 🙂
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Hang in there! We’re going through a few similar things here with my husband’s neck/back/shoulder issues. He’s in chronic pain, can’t work, and getting all the paperwork filed for short-term disability is a pain in itself! I’ll keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.
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Thank you. ❤ I feel for your husband. I’ve been living with pain for over 12 years & it’s quite the battle. Love & prayers to you both as well. 🙏
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Thank you so much. We visited with his primary doctor this morning. Just trying to determine who is “in charge” — meaning who’s responsible for filling out the short-term disability claim forms — has been frustrating. We’re finally beginning to feel that we might be moving closer to a diagnosis which means we might be getting closer to a treatment plan. Are you getting treatment through a pain clinic or chronic pain program?
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I have had horrendous reactions to every medication they’ve tried, but I can find relief sometimes with natural treatments. It depends on the severity of the pain that day. CBD oil has worked wonders for me in regards to my seizures. (I also have epilepsy.) No one can seem to figure out my neuropathy, other than to blame it on my polycystic kidney disease which I can’t do anything about because my kidneys work even though they’re cyst covered & football sized, which is painful in itself. (I have a lot going on & there’s a level of acceptance I had to arrive at.) My auntie makes me a tea that helps with the inflammation. Nothing has taken it all away but I can get through the days as long as they can at least keep the edge off. Some days I’m ok, others I’m just down for the count, but I deal the best I can. I do hope he can find some answers & that a good treatment plan will help. 🙏
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I’m so sorry you have to endure so much pain. I’m quite an advocate for natural healing. Hopefully the CBD oil and other treatments will help. So far our visits to a chiropractor at a Wellness Clinic have given my husband the best relief. He’s hoping to find the cause of the pain so that we can work to fix whatever is wrong. Many prayers coming your way!
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I think if you’re experimenting when you write it, it’s ‘experimental’ poetry. Any definite definition out there already in the world is good to pay attention to, and you should update as you find out more, but it’s good to go by your own working definitions on things. Most things have been done by someone at some time in history, and if you are doing them your way it’s not copying them just because they’ve been done before, there’s that give and take of precedent and individuality. I think what matters is being open to learn more and adding to our own definitions, admitting we don’t have the whole picture, and being willing to learn, especially if we make mistakes. I use words sometimes with a meaning I thought they had and people point it out, and of course I correct the mistake, because I’m trying to improve my vocabulary, but I would rather say something I think even if I stumble in the consensus slightly.
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Definitely. I’m always in learning mode. I think ever being an “expert” about something will take the fun out of all the learning & experiencing to be done. 🙂 With writing, I feel like there are many voices in me & when I hand the work over to a new one, it definitely is an experiment.
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Interesting essay Jennifer! Sorry about you having to go through so much illness and pain, but the insight you’ve given your readers about how your poetry stems from hypnagogia is awesome! The way you write about your dreams is also fantastic, and how they too find their way into your poems! “& I swear I’m going to run through every person I ever met eventually on that dream plane” I found this line so intriguing; I think it gives us a peek into your special mind!
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Thanks, Dominic. My dreams have a habit of connecting me with people I haven’t seen in ages. It’s always interesting who shows up in them. 🙂 As always, they you again for all your support.
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That’s interesting, and you’re welcome Jennifer!
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