I Used to Go to Screamo Shows

I Used to Go to Screamo Shows

I’m spiraling
toward
a mid life crisis,
stuck in the mid 2000s
down a nostalgia road
on YouTube
reminiscing on
eyeliner so thick
everyone will know
you’re crying

my boyfriend’s in
the opening band’s van
getting high
& I have the front man’s
stage sweat on me,
my camera loaded
with hardcore closeups,
my striped stockings ripped,
torn to
barely discernible seams

& this is “so scene”
the girl with the scarf
in summer says, sipping
a $2 PBR from the alleyway dark,
the boys in their Dickies,
the studded belt parade,
the Converse & Wayfarer shades

these are the sounds
of the yearning for dying,
the lively youth
throwing punches, their bodies
limbless, thrashing
into the night,
stage wave tide
taking us
further from the tomorrows
we’ll end up in

looking back to the black
polish staining everything,
the spiked hair static,
the glamorized tragic,
& the deep rooted,
primal need
to stretch out our lungs
& sing