Published Poems at Cereal City Review + Life Update

Hello, friends! Autumn is here in Northern MI after what felt like too long “unseasonably warm” temperatures & I’m doing my best to enjoy all of the cozy delights this second favorite season of mine has to offer. Some days it’s easier than others to find joy in everything, & other days I’m sluggishly chasing after it. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

For now I’d like to share two poems that were graciously published at Cereal City Review. “Dust Land” and “Birding On Boardman-Ottaway”. You can read those HERE. Check out all the other amazing writing in this awesome Issue 2. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed. & if you feel so inclined, send them your own work! The next reading period opens on November 1st.

Now on to the life news…

I don’t know how to sugarcoat it, so I’m not going to. My kidneys are starting to decline in function. *insert sad face* This isn’t something I didn’t know was going to happen eventually. I’m sure all of you know that I have this genetic condition called Polycystic Kidney Disease. I was diagnosed as a teenager & honestly, every day that I had 100% kidney function I considered it to be a miracle. Over the years since symptoms first hit me at age 25, I’ve done my best to maintain function best I can. It’s not exactly in anyone’s control but there are things you can do (drink lots of water, eat well, etc) to try to keep ’em running as long as possible. Cysts have long taken them over and now each one is a whopping 18 cm. “Normal” kidneys are half that size in case you were wondering. (They say mine were probably a bit smaller than the average 9 cm because I’m a pretty tiny person.) So yes, I have these giant footballs I’ve been carrying around inside of me for awhile & as you can imagine, that is extremely challenging. Frankly, they’re a pain in the ass, & have been for many years. But they were working! & they still are, just not as well as before. My last lab report I was in Stage 2 which is still “good”. It’s only been a month but I’m having the oddest symptoms. Stage 3 symptoms. Some days symptoms I’m not techinally supposed to have until Stage 4. When one is in Stage 4-5 of PKD that’s when it’s time to start dialysis and start talking about getting on transplant lists…living donors…etc. Honestly, I don’t even want to go there yet, but I might have to. I’ll find out in March. I’ve been having some weirder symptoms this week so I am waiting to see if they want me to pop into the clinic to drop off urine to check for an infection because I can’t tell what’s going on in my own body. I’m not sure if this is “normal decline stuff” or what. Better to check things out before some kind of emergency happens.

So, what’s going on? I’m exhausted! Moreso than usual. I seem to get one day a week where I feel pretty awesome (considering) & then the rest of the week I’m like “ok…WHAT?” My brain feels like it broke. I can’t think straight, it’s difficult to focus. Reading & writing take FOREVER. Physical activities, even light chores, make me feel like I’ve run 4 miles. My kidneys are huge. I feel like I’m on the Disney teacup ride if I move too fast, & well, I just generally feel unwell. I’m drinking water like it’s going out of style which makes me go a billion times a day. I asked about this. “Well, my kidneys must be working if I’m going so often right?” Apparently that means they’re just working extra to filter everything out. Electrolyte imbalances, muscle cramps, headaches, blood pressure too high again resulting in a medication updose…etc, etc. It’s a mess. & unfortunately this isn’t the worst it can get.

Good news is, I like my nephrologist & the clinic I go to is a partner clinic for the PKD Foundation so that means they are well versed in all things PKD & that’s more than I could ask for. Also, I’m happy & really not worrying too much. I won’t lie, occasionally some fear creeps in on me & I find myself biting my nails wondering about dire possibilities. But then I snap myself into the present & realize that I have so much in my life to be happy about & I want to make sure I keep that up. Worrying just makes things hurt more honestly. Stress is not something I want to deal with because my physical body is stressed enough.

I’ve found a great community of people who accept me & my spiritual path & after a decade of “not really feeling so connected to Spirit”, I’ve begun channeling again! This isn’t something I’m new to. Years ago I was publicly channeling, giving readings (not exactly professionally, but people knew they could come to me), going on paranormal investigations, clearing houses, giving intuitive counsel…all that fun stuff. For those whose minds may be drifting into “wow, woo woo!” territory, I’ll remind you that this is all cultural for me. I’m Ojibwe & just because there are different terms used to associate what my people have been doing for thousands of years, doesn’t mean this hasn’t been in me & in my bloodline since time immemorial. Have I ever talked to you about Star People & how they’re my relatives? Have I ever told you Sabe (aka Bigfoot, Sasquatch, etc) is my Grandfather? Yeah, these are my tribe’s beliefs & they have been for forever. I just felt for the longest time I had to keep all that in & I’m very happy to report that I no longer want to live that way. I basically had it scared out of me, but no more. I’m way past the point in my life where I have energy to care what anyone thinks of me, my people, and our ways. I’m happy to answer any questions anyone has about any of it. Also, if you’re interested, check out High Vibe Channeling on YouTube & maybe join in one of our meetings sometime if you feel pulled toward it. Yep, that’s me in some of those videos bringing you messages from all kinds of realms & I’m enjoying myself immensely. Feeling connected again is a million times better than the decade I felt I was all alone without any hope or faith in anything. & how quickly it all happened! It feels like I woke up from this really long sleep & the amazing things that are happening despite my challenges I wouldn’t trade for anything. Be yourself, everyone. Your true, authentic self with no fears & watch how life changes for you. It’s so liberating, truly. There is a meeting tonight & I will be sharing some wisdom from the Animal Elders so if you’re interested in joining feel free to visit the Facebook page for all the meeting information HERE. We start at 8 PM EST.

All that being said, in this mad world we’re living in where everyone is facing challenges of all kinds, please be kind. Please don’t judge yourself or anyone else. Be gentle with you & each other. We’re all doing our best. & send love to all those around you including those you don’t agree with & those who are hurting others. They need it the most, really. It’s easy to complain, spread hatred, spout off our opinions about this or that, but it’s also easy to love & spread that around too. & which one makes things better do you think? Which gives you inner peace which can’t help but bring peace all around you? Honor your emotions, yes. Feel what you need to feel & don’t suppress them. Allow them to be released so you don’t have to carry that around in you anymore. Transform them, alchemize them into something else through creation. Art, music, poetry…anything you find joy in. Love truly changes the world. Love changes you. All is choice, of course, & I’m hardly a lecturer haha. I just know that I’ve found that going deep within & finding the Love there has changed everything for me. I want that for everyone too. Help each other. Do the best you can. You already are & you’ve survived so much & come so far! I’m proud of you!

I can’t believe it’s going to be November. Any Halloween plans? My husband & I are cooking a nice meal & watching some spooky flicks. On November 1st we’ll be going to the TC Opera House to see some bands we love play, so I have a busy weekend ahead. I feel pretty energized in this moment & that’s good. It’s the best I’ve felt all week. Will that change in a couple hours? Maybe. But I listen to my body & that’s working out well & preventing me from pushing myself too hard.

I spent some time traveling at the end of last month. I was on my tribe’s reservation for a little bit for my cousin’s funeral & then spent some time in Port Huron visiting my Aunt & Uncle. We had a wonderful gathering on Orange Shirt Day on Sept 30 & had a speaker visit us sharing some wonderful teachings. It was so good to spend time with everyone. I hope to get down there more often & I hope to get over to the rez more often too. Time spent with family is so sacred to me. I can’t even explain it.

On the writing front, I’ve been writing poetry here & there & slowly working on a short story for a project a friend & fellow WordPress-er is leading. I hope to be able to keep up with everyone but I’ve been assured that it’s okay if I don’t. It’s difficult to try to maintain “normalcy” sometimes when I never know how I’ll feel from day to day, but I’m putting in my best effort & I appreciate that the focus is on community with these awesome writers. It’ll be a fun time, I’m sure. Here is a fun video from the most recent Poets Meet Musicians event here in my town. It’s me reading my poem “Tempest In A Teacup” (after the anti-poet Nicanor Parra with nods to Fall Out Boy who lifted the line for one of their songs).

Finally, (& what might be the best news I could share with you all), I’ve deliberated again & decided that I won’t be shutting down this blog come April. Substack is great & all but the community here is so much better. I’ve been with you all for years & I realized how much I’d miss it. So I’ll just continue what I’ve been doing, cross-posting poems & seeing what happens over there. If I really cared about monetizing (which I don’t at all), I’d work harder over there, but I don’t want to. I just want to share writing, read others’ works, & connect with people. & if people want to donate to my PayPal link, they can. But I’m not interested in paywalls or doing any kind of “hustling” to make a career out of any of this. I’m exhausted enough! So, I will be renewing my account here in the Spring & sticking around. I appreciate all of you who are subscribing to me over there too. It’s just been a way to cast my poetry net wider & I have met some cool writers there too. I’m happy about this decision. I feel I’d miss it here way too much even though I planned to keep up with all of your blogs the best I can. All the WordPress glitches & annoyances I have aren’t worth sacrificing years of dedication to this site & all of the great friends I’ve made who might get lost in the ether if I make the switch to Substack permanant. I’m all about leaving doors open these days as I’ve shut myself in long enough.

Well, that was long! It feels like I haven’t written this much in forever! I’ll probably need a nap now. 🙂 Happy Halloween & Happy Samhain, my friends who celebrate! I send my love to you all & please know if you ever need to vent or talk about anything, you can always hit up my Contact Box. Even if all I can do is listen & let you know you’re not alone, I like to be that for people. Also, don’t feel you’d be “burdening” me. I feel like we need to move past that as humans. It’s no good to keep things in & we shouldn’t be afraid to share every part of our stories, even the parts that are painful. Please send some good energy to my brother today. It is his birthday & he’s also having his disability hearing after waiting over three years for a date & he could obviously really use the financial assistance.

Be well, my friends! Much peace & love!