I owe friends some emails & I do intend on sending more personal letters, but my energy is sparing in the summer & I’m conserving it best I can. Yesterday was a seizure filled rainy day. Today is a “my brain & body are barely functioning but I’m here & honestly I do feel alright.” Rest day. Call it what you will. I’m watching that “Turtles All The Way Down” movie & remembered I did watch half of it. I couldn’t remember the book at all. I know I liked it. The main character’s *static crackles* speak to me.
What’s new with me? I’m all settled in to my new home & I’m loving being here. I make bonfires a lot & I love that. I enjoy August because the nights tend to get cooler & I can feel Autumn around the corner. This Autumn will be the Greatest Autumn of My Life & I’m so so excited for my next adventure.
My passport is in the works. Patience is the virtue. I have family things to busy myself with. I went to this annual party called Tube-A-La-Roo last weekend & wow. It was like Jungle Jam levels of “going hard” haha. There was a guitar burned in memoriam for someone & that was cool to photograph. Spending time with people here is important right now. I’m enjoying myself. I’ve not gone out to see music a whole lot because I’m saving my money for my trip & because I’m just plain worn out honestly. I am honestly thinking of letting The Jam Files go for good. I have to finish the two interviews I stopped dead in the middle of editing. I’m running out of time to get them finished before I go. But I’m enjoying relaxing. Finding my semi-routine. Drinking my coffee all day long. Watching Doctor Who. Watching movies. Reading a damn book. (I usually read 100+ books a year. This year I’ve read 11. 11!? It’s like I forgot who I am!) Of course I spend quite a bit of time video chatting with Tarquin. He’s sent me a bracelet in the mail & I love it so much. I wear it all the time now. I can’t wait to meet him. We’re getting so excited but also wishing we could speed up time & processes. I have to not let any little worries sneak into my brain. I’m not thinking about travel, the plane ride, anything like that. I’m just always concerned about money. I’m not the best at math. The exchange rate confuses me. I hope I’ve guesstimated enough & that we’re not short on what we think we’ll need to cover all the flights & hotel & whatnot. I have this feeling deep inside that’s echoing “Everything will be ok. Everything will work out. All is well. All is well.” Then I have that “practical” voice saying “Well, wait…what about…” & I have to put on some Fall Out Boy or something to drown that out.
Isn’t it wonderful feeling so free at the thought of leaving everything you know & pretty much everything you own behind to start a completely new life? A life you’ve dreamed of but figured it would never happen because that’s just how fictional stories go. They give you hope, but reality is what reality is. Isn’t it wonderful to have your dreams handed to you like you won a raffle? Isn’t it wonderful to find your person? I heard this phrase a couple years or so ago. “Your person…” “Finding your person…” I was married & I didn’t understand what it meant. I was happy in my marriage too. (I’ve said…It was obvious…& now it’s over & I will never see or hear from him again I’m betting…& that’s just how it is, & it’s fine) Well, now I understand it. I’ve found “my person” & it’s like recognizing someone you’ve known for many lifetimes. It’s complete unhesitance. (Probably not a word…) No doubts, no worries, no insecurities. None of this “oh, what will he think if I…?” nonsense. It’s like being together “since like forever” & yes, I know we haven’t met in person yet, but we’re going to, so get used to that idea. This is for real. I know it. Tarquin knows it. I will be in the UK before I know it. & oh am I ever excited.
I’m doing amazing. I’m drinking toasted coconut coffee in a cozy room right now. I’m going to a baseball game tomorrow night. I have family & friends who love & care for me. & I have Tarquin who loves & cares for me the best he can & will love & care for me better once we meet. I have nothing to complain about. I feel light & free for the first time in a long, long time. I’m reminded of how I used to be before a whole lot of nonsense entered my life. I know what it’s like to let go for real now. Most of the time I think “I can’t be bothered with that, so I won’t…” & wow. It all seems so simple now, I can’t explain it. It’s like I’m applying wisdom I’ve gathered throughout my life. Opportunities for learning, for growing, for healing. Isn’t it wonderful?
I can’t wait to update you on lovey dovey “first meeting” stuff, my travels, the things I’m going to see & discover, birding trips with my UK family (yes, I have a family there already!), concerts, new foods, new spaces, new places, new faces. It’s going to be a blast!
Are you all ready for Autumn or are you hoping summer hangs on for forever?
You all know what I’ll say. Bring on those falling leaves & sweater weather. I’m ready to feel my best physically again.
P.S. – I keep forgetting to share this with you all. I was interviewed for a local publication as a rising star in Michigan & I think that’s totally cool. The article is HERE if you’d like to read it.
Thistle Thoughts 