They Say Some Behaviors are Learned
I have learned to be glad
for the things I’ll never understand.
A panicked phone call
at any time of day
can mean one of us
is dead or dying. A
premonition, even in a
dream, should never be
taken lightly. A birth
can mean another funeral,
somewhere, some time,
some date too close to
a previous loss.
Questions are never encouraged,
and as I age, I hear answers
I never asked for. I can’t
speak without unsolicited advice
so I don’t anymore. Quite a
change from talking too much
to myself. I still talk to
spirits. I don’t need them
to answer me back.
My head can’t wrap around
a lot of the standard. What’s
acceptable has been a decade long
journey to travel. What to say
yes (or no) to was an even
longer (and more bumpy) ride.
I find it hard to trust
what’s right in front of me,
especially if it has a mouth
that is moving.
I’ve learned ‘Do what I say,
not what I do’. I’ve learned
‘This will hurt me more
than it hurts you’ too.
No, actions rarely ever line up
with intentions, but I let
this go. They meant well.
I find it difficult to forgive
though I know
the logistics of it. I’ve learned
that sometimes the worst
is impossible to forget. I’ve learned
you can never get over
what’s still happening
to you.
I’ve learned how to hold
my own hand. And that in
the end, I can say I always
tried. And that some mysteries,
anomalies, and tragedies
can never be solved, discovered,
or recovered from.
And this is just fine.
Thistle Thoughts 